“It’s Something unpredictable, but in the end is right,
I hope you had the time of your life.” Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life) – Green Day
If I was still teaching, this week would have been an emotional one. Yesterday was the Year 11s last day and today was the Year 13s. I felt particularly close to these two year groups. I was a form tutor for the Year 11s and can honestly say I had the best form that you could ask for. Creative, caring and funny, I know their futures are bright.
As for the current Year 13, they were my favourite English class I ever took at GCSE. To honour both, today my post will be a list of things I (or my colleagues) have heard pupils say during my time in teaching. I promise I am not exaggerating any of these. As a game, I will make up one. I will shout out the first person that identifies it.
“Sir, is Don John the bad guy?” This was asked a couple of days before the English Literature exam. Don John is the antagonist of Much Ado About Nothing and we had been studying it for two years. This student went on to get an ‘A’ grade.
“Sir, can you get pregnant from pre-cum? This was asked to a colleague of mine who responded by employing the classic’ pretend you haven’t heard and type on your computer’ defence.
“[Said with real passion]: How am I supposed to turn down a buy one get one free offer of chocolate fingers? They’re delicious!” – A student explaining why he would put buy one get one free offers into Room 101″
“Sir, you need to put on weight. Skinny doesn’t suit you.” This was said to me on my first day back from my hospital stay where I had lost three stone in under a month by one of my form. It was her way of letting me know that she cared.
Me to a Year 9 student: “Why are you causing so much trouble?”
“Because for the next two years I have GCSE’s. For the two years after that, I have A-Levels; the three years after that will be spent studying for a degree and once I’ve done that, I’ll be into the world of work, where I won’t have a chance to mess around.
Me: “Fair enough”
Me, preparing some Year 10 students for a creative writing piece: “Ok guys, if you had a week to live what would you most want to do?
A girl in the class, looking me dead in the eye: “Lose my virginity” I employed the very effective ‘fall off my seat’ defence
Me: “[Name redacted], Why did you email me the entire script of ‘The Bee Movie’?
Name redacted: “Because my English teacher didn’t respond when I sent it to him.”
A history teacher to a GCSE class: “What hazards do you think travellers faced going west in 1840s America?”
“Sir do you have a hard and fast rule about murder in your classroom? Just asking for a friend.”
I was criticizing BAE for a deal that had caused international condemnation and one of my pupils brightened up and said, “My dad worked on that deal!”
“Not gonna lie sir, I haven’t done my homework. I’ll take a punishment, but you know my parents and how they will react if you tell them I haven’t done any work. Do you really think that not doing a homework justifies THAT?”
Have a good weekend everybody. Feel free to follow, comment and share.